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Beginners to the lifestyle

Being a Domme or aspiring to be one is a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly. I believe it is vital to keep these things in mind when your first starting out and finding your way in the BDSM spectrum. Trust must be earned and titles must be awarded. You may not call someone a sub that is not yours. You may not call someone a sub unless they consent to you doing so. A sub may be given a collar once it is earned. That goes the same for Dommes.... you must earn that title and submission with trust and communication. Do not expect a submissive to bow at your feet or call you by your title without earning it and offering the respect needed to earn it. It is also bad edicate to call a Mistress by her title without asking first permission and second what title they prefer to be addressed as. (Always address titles with a capital letter - Goddess, Mistress, Domme) Start by using each others names until you are ready to get more divulged in the lifestyle. What type of a Domme do you fantasize about becoming? What kinks and fetishes peek your interest already? Don't be shy listen to your heart! 💗

BDSM (which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism/Submission and Masochism) is primarily erotic practices or role playing within the spectrum of what you find desirable and arousing.

Make sure you are keeping safety in mind for all persons, and that you are respecting limits. It is important to be willing to learn new things about your new craft to earn that title of Master, this means discovering ways to control in a healthy manner. It is also very important to learn how to read and understand body language, behaviors and triggers. Especially for those who may have experienced any trauma in the past and suffer from PTSD. A great way to do this is by using RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) It is our responsibility to keep the scene safe and our trusting sub honored, respected and safe at all times under your reign. That means digging for answers, asking lots of questions and learning about your potential new sub.

Communication is key!!! So learn from the beginning to be assertive and ask questions, make sure you get your answers no tardiness should be tolerated. Practice in front of the mirror so you can be confident in your new role, I find making surveys to vet out people I may not have common interests with and to verify a sub and evaluate them can be extremely helpful! I also found that talking to my sub about what I like or am into helps to gauge if we are on the same page during initial meets or munch events in the community. (Munch is just a casual social gathering usually over some food for people involved in or interested in the BDSM lifestyle keep posted on my website for local events in your area around the globe we will be reintroducing that once pandemic is relaxed in the new year hopefully) You should have just as much fun discovering and learning about each other as you do in the Dungeon. You will learn so much about the lifestyle by meeting like minded people and by practicing good communication in all D/s dynamics.

Before any play can occur communication must be clear so that Rules and Limits (both hard and soft) can be understood clearly, and most of all respected. A safety word exclusive to your dynamic should also be agreed upon (please see my blog about Rules and Limits for more on this). Remember not to use words like No or Stop...these may be words you use in roleplay and may not be taken seriously in the moment. A great one for newbies is just to say a color (green to go, yellow to approach with caution and respect to a soft limit or a pain threshold and red as the safe word for a full stop no judgment or questions asked just aftercare) if you dont like that to start, think of a word that easily comes to mind and wont be hard to remember when I'm spanking your ass with a flog and your bleeding.

Next is for you to identify your style - What types of scenarios, situations, events and actions are pleasing to you, within the limits that you can explore with your sub or potential sub?

Then confirm your interests by researching some of your discovered kinks and fetishes and looking into what aspects arouse you and why it may be fun as an experience if you were the sub yourself to gain insight and understanding. This alone will help you to determine if you are just a Domme personality or if you have submissive tendencies. Everything is OK and there is no right answer but life can so much more pleasurable if you learn this early on. If you find you may also like some submissive attributes or characteristics then you may be a switch (or someone who can switch between roles depending on what suits them and there partner(s) )

After you have evaluated what is safe and consensual, determined what you want out of the new dynamic, what your sub may need...communicated and discussd soft/hard limits,rules and a safe word it's all up to fun and discovery!

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