As you begin your journey learning about the lifestyle, you may have already started to notice in your porn searching, and kink research in social groups and chatting on FetDungeon, that their are some comparative differences between what defines a Femdom, a Mistress, and a Dominatrix. I am here to give you my opinion based on what I have learned over the years from international professionals that I look up to and admire.
Do some of the above roles intersect? Absolutely, but first we will identify and clarify each to help you gain a better insight. There are not many women who do what we do behind closed doors or in the public eye. That is starting to change more and more everyday, like a movement women are empowering themselves to embrace their own sexuality. Learning more about each role and understanding how I fit into each became invaluable to helping me with creating FetDungeon.
In order to respect ones title you must first understand it. So what is a Femdom? People often use the word Femdom to describe the woman as the Dominant type, but the word on it's own actually refers to Female Supremacy. In other words everything is to display power and superiority above men in every aspect of their lives. As a Femdom the men carry no value, they are simply providers of money, advancement in status, sexual gratification if she so desires and procreation as a necessity to raising the next generation of upstanding women. The men are have one job, that is to stay focused on keeping the woman happy (that can be anyone who identifies as a woman). A submissive to a Femdom recognizes the true value of their opportunity and will regularly show appreciation of her precious time once accepted into service. This is shown with obedience and submission, as well as regular gifts and adult toys offered.
So removing that out of the equation lets talk about the differences between a Mistress and a Dominatrix. Lets talk about what it is to be a Mistress, a definition first coming into play back in the 1300s as a formal way to address a woman of rank or authority. Those who have a Mistress are sometimes also referred to as the ones in a Female Led Relationship because she will maintain Dominance in her everyday life and not only assume control over the submissive(s) and slaves she may own, but also be in control of her own affairs. Even in the event that there should be any sexual contact, a Mistress will always maintain the control element. A Mistress will have standards and expectations for her submissive(s) to stick to and as the submissive partner is always owned by her, insubordination will not be accepted or tolerated. A Mistress wont stand for anything less than what she wants. Most are not aware of how difficult even in this day and age it is to be a Real Mistress, but if you take time to learn and to explore, you will discover that being a Mistress is one of the most challenging, most responsible, but also the most fulfilling titles to carry. To me a Mistress means so much more than merely stalking around on thigh high boots or PVC and carrying floggers and canes. She may of course decide to do this anyways, if that is her desire. Being a Mistress is a complete lifestyle, and those who indulge are open to a different state of consciousness, similar to what submissive(s) call subspace we enter Top Space.
Dominant Females like myself often love to engage in BDSM activities such as ball busting, humiliation, findom, forced feminization, forced chastity, cuckolding and body worship, and the art of this craft has been around and documented as early as the 1560s. Which brings us to our next title the Dominatrix or Domme. I have learned over the years that a Female that takes a Dominating role in BDSM play and most of the time gets paid to engage in that BDSM play or activities in a professional play space like a Dungeon, lifestyle club, or online is a Dominatrix (Domme). It is for most a business, and their lucrative career choice. The sub/slave(s) that engage with the Dominatrix also tribute in some capacity in exchange for the interactions with a Domme. Keep in mind Professional Dommes are by definition sex workers in Canada even if they only let you smell there feet, but are not typically full service workers (though nothing wrong with that whatsoever it is not the topic we are discussing). Any remuneration earned is for her Domination expertise and control skills, not for sexual contact or sex acts. Sexual contact will not be a part of any session with a Professional Dominatrix. So if you think because you are paying them that you will have sex, you can't be farther from reality and need to really look into what it is your actually seeking before you end up disappointed and a Domme seriously disrespected.
In fact the role of the Dominatrix may not even involve physical pain towards her submissive; (which is the case for 90% of my finsubs or pay piggy's) her domination can be verbal, involving humiliating or degrading tasks, or servitude. Psychological Dominance to me is one of the main aspects that set a Dominatrix apart from a Mistress and give me a niche in Alberta, though other Dominant Women may of course choose to incorporate psychological dominance into their power exchange, relationships, and scenes. As a Pro I absolutely LOVE to play in this head space.
I have been in this lifestyle a long time (though not always in the public eye) and over the years I have seen how I fit into each respected title as my journey changed and evolved. As a Feminist I can say that what has always turned me on and attracted me into BDSM the most was identifying as a Femdom, I have close submissive/slaves that I have known over the years that honor me by following my suggested routine, and protocols with checking in and obedience that with time and earned trust I began to allow them to call me Mistress. I feel that Title is held for those I treasure the most so it is not given away lightly. And as a Pro-Domme (Mizz. Honey Temper) I have always loved the mind fuck draining I do above all else. Dabbling with Findom and total power exchanges makes me wet with just the thought. This is why I choose to identify as a Femdom Dominatrix, I believe that women are deserving of all we want and more, and I plan to have it all.
Over the past year after being written about in local newspapers I have had other women try and tell me what I must do or how they feel I must portray myself in order to be in there eyes gratified as a 'Domme' but I assure you no one has any right to label or determine what or how a person may decide to identify, period (and that can change as many times in ones life as they decide). Any person who tries to break down another women is a product of there own male dominated environment. Being a part of TNG (the new generation) I have been told at a Dungeon lifestyle event (though it was in the heart of Alberta also known as the Texas of Canada so pretty behind on the kink scene but slowly growing and changing) that any and all online Domme's are fakes and scammers. Why people act out of malice and are afraid of what they don't know or understand is beneath me, I take no heed in the kink shaming, and two faced behavior against a new way for Dominants to help people find there way into the lifestyle, ultimately learning how to accept themselves. Just because it isn't how you do things or originally learned does not make it wrong.
Being a Female Dominant no matter what title you resonate with is something you have from within, its not something someone gives you, and it isn't something anyone else can take away. You are your own beautiful and powerful force in this world so embrace your true self unapologetically and rise. The age of women is here, we are embracing our individuality and loving sex like some never knew was possible, and in my opinion its about fucking time.
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